Dear Santa, Can We Talk? I Want Him for Christmas

If you read my last two posts, you can probably imagine what my ideal wishlist would look like this year. Let’s see, what would my letter to Santa say?

“Dear Santa,

First of all, I think you missed an elf because I saw Beer Boy just yesterday. Santa, may I please ask of you that for this Christmas, you put some sense into my boy? Just this morning I looked in the mirror and was astonished that I’m the one doing the chasing, running, and obsessive acts in this relationship. No, but really, Santa, this Christmas can you give us a chance? I know this is probably not the gift you had in mind, but I fear that I want nothing else more. I want nothing more than to wake up in a life where he is part of my everyday, where he wants me just as badly as I want him, where our time doesn’t stop when the sun comes up. Please, give me him. Give me all of him and make him really see me. If he would really know me, if he could really see me for who I am, he would be mine. Who wouldn’t be obsessed with me if I showed them my soul? Don’t make me one of the girls who are just blind to what’s in front of her; don’t make a fool of what I believe is my intuition.

Santa, I fear I cannot enjoy Christmas knowing I’m the only one thinking about us. I fear I might go insane. If you cannot commit to these wishes, a lobotomy will suffice. Lol (That was a joke, please don’t touch my brain; I have exams). Santa, if you can’t give me him and us, then please remove him from my heart. Please remove his prints from my soul, it physically hurts. My body aches. I feel it in my chest all the time. If you can’t give me him and us, please make the pain go away. Make him go away. I want all of it or nothing. I can’t do this in-between, something-but-nothing type of relationship anymore. Make him want me or make me forget him. I beg of you. You know I have been very, very good (and you kind of owe me because I never got my Barbie Dream House you promised). Santa, I love Christmas and I love you but man, I need you to step up this year. Anyways, milk and cookies are in the fridge; you know the drill. See you next year.

P.S.: If you disappoint me on the 24th, I will be personally coming down to the North Pole for an explanation. Love ya xo”

Yes, dear three readers, my ‘breakup’ with Beer Boy has been hard on me. I have to build my world back up, and he has absolutely no clue or thought about the matter. However, I’ll be fine, right? Because I’ve gone through this like four times with him—the longest period of no contact being six months—and I feel like, no matter how much time has passed, he still manages to mess me up. Or maybe I just keep letting him mess me up.

Oh dear, I really need Santa to be real this year.

Your favorite skinny legend, xo