It’s late, I should be sleeping. We didn’t sleep last night. Well, you did like always. I did not, also like always. You don’t need to stay awake. Because you don’t need to take in lying there with me. You don’t lie awake next to me, sad, because you know that in a few hours I’ll be gone again, and who knows when you’ll see me next. You don’t think like that, that’s me.
That’s me, the girl still awake because I don’t want this day to end. I still hope to hear from you, and if I don’t hear from you today, our conversation really did not matter to you. Yes, this is me, with tears coming out of my eyes that could be because of a guy or just because her eyes are too damn dry from not sleeping.
We probably won’t happen again. But at least I’ll have this memory. I will go on with my life, and I will live it so big and ambitious. I will give myself the life I deserve, and that is a life without you in it. I am made for so much more then crying over someone like you. Can’t you see that?
6 June 2025:
I wrote this part above in (begin) December 2024. Getting over Beer Boy was one of the most exhausting things I ever did in my life, because it was never about him.
I’ve been through my fair share of life before I met Beer Boy. Long story short, my life has never, not once been easy for me. But somehow I was so emotionally damaged by this relationship. It felt like a gun shot to the soul, it physically hurt me, this stupid Beer Boy, this stupid simple boy quite literally crushed my soul.
The most frustrating part about this is that he will always think and believe I was just so obsessed with him, that it was all about him. And that will probably feed his ego, a lot. Anyway, it was never about this simple boy. It was always about the complex girl, me.
He represented everything I was insecure about, he validated every negative belief I’ve had since childhood. He represented my non-existent self-worth, self-love, confidence. I started to believe that situations like these were normal. That how he treated me was normal or there was an explanation that would always lead back to me, I was always the problem.
And that was right. I was the problem, but not in a self critical way. It wasn’t my fault he treated me the way he did, he is a stupid selfish dumb person. It was my issue that I tolerated it.
When I started analysing the deeper meaning and backstory of what this relationship represented for me, I started to understand myself and my feelings more. And the more you understand your feelings, the less you will resent yourself for feeling them. And the more you understand yourself, the more you will want to help yourself and take care of yourself.
Almost three years I spent crashing out about this idiot. Never, ever did I think I would really, actually get over him or the situation. I kind of thought that I would go on with my life but I would always love him in a way and that it would always be a sensitive topic for me. I can tell you now, I am absolutely completely detached from him. And I forgive myself for all of it, for letting it last so long, for letting him back in, for forgiving him, for neglecting myself. I forgive myself for all of it because I understand where I came from, I understand why I felt that way.
Btw, all that bullshit about ‘you’re only over someone when you have no ill feelings about them or it anymore’, is so not true. Like Taylor Swift herself said: you can move on without forgiving or forgetting. I think that is peak maturity. This idiot did horrible things to me, and while I don’t necessarily wish him anything bad I most certainly don’t wish him the best either! I just don’t care for him anymore.
Anyway, whoever you are reading this, sometimes you’re so deep in a feeling or so deep in a situation that the light at the end of the tunnel seems like a black hole. I promise you, one day, you will get over it. That is a fact. And you owe it to yourself to stay strong and wait for the moment you start experiencing life without thinking about them. When you start experiencing life with only yourself on your mind and only yourself to really care for, that’s when you start to get it.
If I got over Beer Boy, you can also get over your person. Just read my first few posts lol.
Xo skinny legend out
The Thoughts 
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