Instead of keeping them in my notes app, I will be publishing my letters (I’ll never send) to you on the internet from now on. Gotta love the 21st century.
Yesterday, I spent the entire day thinking about you. Walking out of your place, our weird and cold goodbye. It’s like you didn’t even care it was the last time we would be together. I told you, didn’t I? That that was the last time?
I cannot wrap my mind around the fact you did not text or call me after I left. Honestly, I very naively thought it would finally be different this time. Because I told you how I felt, I told you everything I have always wanted to tell you to your face. Why are you not obsessed with me? Weirdo.
Next week, or next semester, you’ll probably text me again in the middle of the night, hoping to come over. I really hope I’m over you by the time you try to contact me again. You never actually leave, do you? It’s very much never over with us.
But this time is not like last, I told you this. I will have to get over you, again. It will hurt a lot, again. My heart will ache, again. I might cry, again. But not like last time, or the time before, or the time before that one. This time I am moving on. Not only am I moving on, I am ‘levelling up’. I will not make my life be about you anymore. This is too sad. I have too much potential. I am too smart and too kind. I come from a good background, am a very capable person. And I am (obviously) as hot as they come. I will not waste myself, or my life, for you. You mediocre, dumb, tragic piece of beer. (He drinks a lot of beer, like a lot a lot.)
I don’t want to date anymore. The last few years I have wanted a boyfriend so bad! The idea of having a partner to go through life with was my dream, all I could think about. But, I honestly despise that idea right now. My life has been so much about you. Now I really want to live my life for myself. Make my dreams and ambitions happen and come to life. Who would have known it’s harder to move on and get your life back together than it is to get a new boyfriend?
This is the best time to really work on myself and my life because it’s the holidays! I have exams to focus on, presents to open, family to be with. It’s the time of year where you can come back to your roots, take a breath and just be yourself with your family and close friends. It’s THE time to prioritize your family, your rest, your studies. Also the best time for a new wardrobe and making a Christmas Wishlist to die for. Going for a run in between studying, study dates with friends, a good self-care evening after studying your brains out all day—that’s the vibe I’m manifesting for the coming two months.
After the exams, I am going on a fancy trip with my dad where we will be celebrating my amazing grades. Oh how I love being a rich kid (sorry not sorry).
I really hope that after all this, I will finally be over you once and for all. I don’t want to live my life for you anymore; I want to live it for my own happiness. I wish you cared about what you do to me and how you make me feel. Maybe then you would finally leave me alone. Now, every time we stop talking it’s just a matter of which night you choose to call me. I cannot imagine never picking up again, so I hope you care this time. I hope you finally have enough respect for me to never contact me again.
That said, if Santa was real, I would only ask for one last chance for us—where we both give it our all and see what our love story was supposed to be.
Happy December to my three readers out there!
Xo skinny legend
The Thoughts 